Two Of a Kind
by Pandaleski
Summary: Matt has an identical twin. They're after Mello, but who is who? Which one flirted shamelessly with him? Who is the evil twin? God help him because he just can't tell them apart.
1. Chapter 1

My first Matt/Mello ^^ Um...I based this on something that happened to me... and I WILL update Of Cats and Cake...later XD So please review?

_Premise: Matt has an identical twin. They're after Mello, but who is who? Which one flirted shamelessly with him? Who is the evil twin? God help him because he just can't tell them apart._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note._

* * *

><p><strong>Two of a Kind<strong>

**Chapter 1**

Mello was in the local supermarket, scouring for chocolate, when it happened.

"Hi."

Mello looked up at the greeting, apparently directed at himself.

He blinked.

"Hi?"

The man smiled.

He was gorgeous; flaming red hair, smooth pale skin…_different _attire, and…goggle covered eyes. Eyes he only assumed were as gorgeous as the rest of him.

"You look kind of lost." The guy remarked, grinning like an idiot.

Mello couldn't help but to think how cheesy this scene was. He obviously wanted a piece of him…ridiculous.

Mello lifted an index finger and pointed.

"Nope." He answered curtly. Perhaps that was rude, but _fuck_, LEAVE, or get to the fucking point…sometime today!

The redhead chuckled. It was a warm sound, very comforting, but still slightly creepy. If he hadn't been Mihael Keehl, he probably would have run by now. But, nope. He looked down, examining his attire, his physique, his fingernails. Still all black, still Mihael Keehl.

"Chocolate, huh?" he grinned, an evil glint to those goggle covered eyes, "Didn't think someone as fit as you would be eating_ that_."

Mello raised his eyebrows, "What's that supposed to mean?" he scowled.

The grin never fell from Red's face, he even had the audacity to CHUCKLE, "Heh, nothing. Just that you're hot is all."

Mello snarled, "I'm not interested."

He turned his attention to the chocolate. Oh the heavenly chocolate. How I doth love you. So heavenly –

"Why not?"

Mello scowled.

"You're still _here_?"

He didn't turn around but he could feel Red's eyes on him. Travelling down…to his ass!

Without turning around, he administered his glare into his words and spat, "Stop staring."

The man chuckled, once again!

"Feisty, huh? Well, I still don't have a name to go with the amazing…face."

ASSHOLE!

* * *

><p>Mello turned sharply to glare into his goggle covered eyes, and yup…they were still there.<p>

"Pervert." He snarled. He was seething and this guy…this GUY. FUCK!

"Pervert, huh?" Red smirked, "Well, I'll be seeing you, Pervert." And then he turned and walked away.

WHAT!

If Mello had had his gun, it would be pointed at that weed of red decorating the man's head and he would have fired. No doubt. ASSHOLE.

After that…_encounter_, Mello could not get his mind off the redhead. He had had the audacity to ask for his name, but had not given one in return. Of course Mello had called him a pervert, but then…no! Mello had been the one to be insulted and it was infuriating. No one treated him this way, NO ONE. Well, at least not after he'd turned those ice-cold blue eyes at them, then even the most treacherous pervert would recoil.

Yes, that was how it worked. But this…this…GUY! Fuck! He was so mad he could barely contain it.

As he opened the gate to his house, where he lived ALONE, thank God, he kicked the empty flowerpots, causing them to topple over and break. He had to release some aggression and those god-awful flowerpots were just begging to be pummeled.

Seriously, what was the gardener thinking?

He trudged up the steps to his porch, all twenty-four of them, sighing in relief as he reached the top. It was June, it was hot, and it was HUMID. All variables that did NOT agree with his clothing. Why did he have to look so fucking hot in leather?

He put down the bag filled with chocolate, and the odd sandwich, and then fished out the key from his pocket. Yes, he had pockets, thank you. They just weren't that visible to the untrained eye, being located on the INSIDE of his pants, rather than the outside. Something a good friend had once taught him.

As he turned the lock, he heard that distinct mewl. He smirked.

"Done fucking the neighbors?" he teased.

The cat just meowed, arching his body lazily, and yawning widely.

Mello chuckled, the cat soon sprinting after its master; determined not to be locked outside again.

"Hey!" he barked, "Out!"

The cat obeyed, but protested loudly. Mello never allowed him in the house anymore, not since he'd taken recurring shits on the floor, even while his litter box had been perfectly FINE. If he couldn't follow the rules, he'd have to sleep outside. No one pisses on Mello's terrain.

Mello slammed the door in the cat's face, the bang echoing long after he'd done so, having no curtains or carpets to absorb the sound.

He put the chocolate down on the floor, clean except for a few odd stains that the cat had caused in its eagerness to devour the canned tuna Mello had bought especially for him. Today, however, the cat would only get the dry stuff.

He poured the contents of the box into the empty bowl, finding it increasingly difficult to do so.

"B!" he warned. That cat always got too eager.

In the end, Mello didn't succeed in scaring the Bengal, and thus, he was forced to pour the contents ON his head, rather than directly into the bowl. He shrugged. Not like it mattered, the beast would eat it anyway, whether it was on the floor, in the bowl, or in his water. Didn't matter.

He sighed as he closed the door on the cat munching away. It was sunny out, just like every other day around here, but he didn't enjoy the sunshine. It was too fucking hot and there was no way he was going to wear SHORTS.

His thoughts went back to the guy in the store.

Who was he? Mello gritted his teeth as the image of that smug face entered his mind, but now that he had the advantage of HINDSIGHT, he realized with horror, that Red was kind of cute.

Fuck no! Ugh, no use in denying it. Such a womanly thing to do, and Mello was no WOMAN. Heh, he'd even admitted it in the store to himself, so what did it matter. His pride wouldn't suffer just by acknowledging the redhead's sex factor…

…and GOD was he hot.

He ignored Red's mouth all together, and his cheeks too, as they only managed to get him mad, the smug look being imprinted on there. Ugh.

His eyes, however…_there _was a mystery. They could've been any color, and really beautiful, but…they could also be fucking ugly. Grotesque even. Mello smirked as he came to the conclusion that that was the reason he used the goggles.

The goggles were ugly and didn't suit him at all. Not that Mello knew what would suit him…perhaps a black plastic bag. Yeah, so he could fucking rot or burn up in his smugness. Send him out in this sun and let him fry.

* * *

><p>Mello shook the black plastic bag. How much more of this would he have to do? How the hell did his room get <em>this<em> messy? All he fucking ate was chocolate! Why in the hell were there empty soda cans and dirty spoons on the floor?

It had been a while since he'd had someone over. Mello didn't drink soda, and it had been more than a few months since anyone had come visit. Not everyone could afford the expensive trip down here, but he wasn't complaining. He liked to be alone. He got his work done, but…damn, he hadn't vacuumed this room in over a year. How disgusting.

He sighed and pulled his hair back in a ponytail. It was time to get to work.

He put the bag down, dragging it all over the room to gather up most of the cans. Yes, vacuuming was amazing. After that, he collected the spoons and tossed them into the bag. No need to save moldy cutlery. He didn't use forks and knives and that shit anyway. Guns were fucking amazing, and he ate chocolate.

He tied the full bag together, droplets of sweat trickling down his forehead. He wiped it off his brow and reached for another bag when the doorbell rang.

The shrill buzzing echoed throughout the house, the dogs next door barking at the sound. He grumbled as he got up and reached for the door, eager to see who the FUCK would annoy him by ringing that offensive torture device.

He ran up into the kitchen and fetched his only key, then ran down and pulled open the front door. He stamped over to the gate and looked up.

His eyes locked with goggle covered ones.

The man smiled, "Hi, sorry to bother you, we just moved in next door." He gestured behind him.

Red reached out a hand through the bars of the gate.

Mello dumbly took it.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Matt."

* * *

><p>So that's the first chapter. Please review and tell me what you think. Should I continue this? What are your thoughts?<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

This is so late! I'm so sorry -_- I'm lazy, but yes, I'm still writing this. Oh and thanks for the reviews :) This story means a lot to me, so obviously the reviews do too. Heh, this is kinda based on something that happened to me so I love reading your feedback :)

_Premise: Matt has an identical twin. They're after Mello, but who is who? Which one flirted shamelessly with him? Who is the evil twin? God help him because he just can't tell them apart._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note._

* * *

><p><strong>Two of a Kind<strong>

**Chapter 2**

"Nice to meet you, I'm Matt."

Mello gaped, his face probably looking like a fish, but he was…indeed in shock.

His neighbor was no other than Red and he now had a name for the face, and…he _wasn't _smug.

"So…" Matt started.

Mello snapped out of it, realizing that he had just been staring. He blinked before supplying his own name.

"I'm Mello."

Red, or rather, Matt, smiled warmly.

"It's nice to meet you, Mello."

The lack of smugness made it hard for Mello to lash out. He wanted so badly to spit some of the insults he had constructed in his mind on his way home. He had retorts, but he couldn't use them.

Mello smirked, "You already said that."

The man grinned wider, "Yeah, well it's true."

That's right, just keep grinning. Once you smirk, I can let loose.

"So," Matt interrupted Mello's scheming thoughts, "Since we're kind of new to the neighborhood, we were wondering if you'd come over for drinks later?"

He looked expectantly at Mello.

What was with this guy?

"Uh…sure?" Mello supplied, a bit confused.

Matt's whole face lit up into the most jovial expression he'd ever seen. Matt was like an excited puppy. Nothing at all like the pervert from the store.

"OK, I'll see you then!" Matt turned and started walking back.

Mello was confused, but he had enough sense left in him to speak.

"Wait!" he called. Matt turned around hesitantly, "What time?" he continued.

Matt's face lit up again. He must've thought Mello had changed his mind.

"Around five. Come when you like." he turned around again and went back to his gate.

_Come _when you like? Yeah, that was definitely the pervert from before.

* * *

><p>Mello stood there for a good two minutes after Matt had left. It was strange; this man was nothing like the pervert from the store, and yet he was. He didn't have the same smug look, but he definitely had the perverted glint in his eye. Yes, Mello could tell through the goggles.<p>

He took a deep breath before returning to his house. He went back to his cleaning and left it at that. He would find out soon enough.

* * *

><p>Mello left his house at 5.15. He would be late. It was payback for the bastard being such a dick earlier.<p>

He had opted to NOT wear leather for the first time in years, hoping that he wouldn't be sexually harassed if he just wore plain black cotton. It was summer, it was hot, and he was about to have drinks with a pervert.

When he reached the gate, he found it was open. He pulled down the handle and opened the large gate door, hearing it whistle in protest as it was pushed open to allow him entrance.

He walked confidently over to the front door and paused before knocking. His footsteps had echoed all the way over there, and the residents of this house had probably been alerted to his presence already. Whatever.

He rang the doorbell.

This house had an even more annoying chime than his door. It was the same sound but it echoed even WORSE.

He heard the patter of footsteps and then the door was wrenched open to reveal Matt, standing there grinning from ear to ear as if it was fucking Christmas.

"Mello!" he cheered. "You _came_!"

What was with this guy?

"Great, come in." he smiled and stepped aside to let Mello pass.

The house was…fuck, the house was AMAZING. Holy fucking shit.

"Holy fucking shit." The blonde breathed.

"Huh?"

"Fuck, _this _is what this house looks like?" he said disbelievingly.

Mello could hear him chuckling behind him and probably checking him out too, but he was too lost in the extravagance of the décor. Fuck, it was nice.

Everything was white. The walls were white, the ceiling was white…there was no furniture so he didn't know if that was going to be white too, but…it was just so…Greek! There was gold lining the white curves in the ceiling, the beautiful vine pattern meeting with more gold, then lacing into white. It was NOTHING compared to his own house. His house had BROWN walls and low ceilings. How the fuck had he lived here for so long and never ONCE been inside this house. Who the hell lived here before Matt?

"Who lived here before you moved in?" he asked without sparing a glance at the owner.

"I don't know. It was just kind of…on sale?" Matt answered.

_Yeah, duh. I'm being rude_, Mello thought.

"Uh…sorry." He let out. He turned to Matt again, seeing the same grin creep up that he had witnessed in the supermarket.

"No worries. I had a similar reaction when I first saw it." He laughed.

He turned and motioned for the blonde to follow him, which he did.

* * *

><p>He was led through a large glass door. The first thing he saw upon stepping through it was the sea. These people actually had a seaside view! Amazing. Who would have thought that this pervert was rich?<p>

"Hey, you OK there?" he joked.

Mello turned around to face him. He narrowed his eyes in warning.

"OK, OK. I get it. No jokes." The redhead put his hands out in defense.

Mello nodded approvingly.

He looked over Matt's shoulder, taking in the furniture, the first he had seen so far, and was met with white.

"Are you serious?" he pointed incredulously.

Matt looked behind him to where Mello was pointing.

"Huh?" he was confused.

"White fucking furniture? Are you shitting me?"

There was no amusement in Mello's voice, but apparently Matt found it so. He chuckled.

"Well, why not stick to one theme?" he grinned, his eyes almost forming little slits behind those goggles that Mello hated so much.

Mello scoffed, then crossed his arms over his chest. He tapped his foot impatiently on the white tiles.

Matt smiled patiently.

"So?" Mello snapped.

"So?" Matt smiled.

"Aren't you going to offer me a drink?" Mello rolled his eyes.

Matt's eyes widened. "Oh, right yeah. Sorry, I forgot." He turned to head inside.

"Idiot." The blonde murmured.

Ten seconds later and Matt was back. He smiled sheepishly.

"What do you take?"

"Moron."

"Sorry, we don't have that."

Mello crinkled his nose.

"Vodka. On the rocks."

* * *

><p>What an idiot.<p>

Mello had been annoyed the moment that redheaded idiot had opened his mouth to remark on his _observing_. Just because _you're_ rich doesn't mean I am, asshole.

He crossed his arms and huffed. He was currently seated in a very soft cushion, one in which he kept sinking down into due to its sickening softness. Mello much preferred harder materials. Like leather.

He admired the view as the Pervert was gone getting his drink_. He'd better not spike it with anything, _Mello thought begrudgingly.

The view from his house was nothing like this. He could even see down to the fucking beach! He watched as the tiny people, reminiscent of ants, strolled lazily to the boardwalk with their towels and, in some cases, parasols, in hand. He sighed. It had been a while since he'd been at the beach. He had vowed never to go down there again, but on days like this…or rather at times like this, when the sun was glowing orange, and the waves were echoing distinctly on the big mountain in the distance, he half-regretted his decision. But Mello never went back on a promise, even if it was to himself, so he couldn't go down there. Not ever.

He sighed.

"That bad, huh?"

Mello turned around at the voice. Matt was back. "What?" he furrowed his eyebrows.

Matt smirked, "Well, you sound like a lovesick school girl to me."

Fuck no! Mello was going to KICK. HIS. ASS.

Matt waved his hand before him, "I kid, I kid." His smirked turned back into the innocent smile, "You're so sensitive."

If Mello wasn't mistaken, that could be seen as an innuendo, could it not?

"What do you mean…sensitive?" he questioned, as if the word was completely foreign to him. It was.

Matt sighed.

"Look, I didn't mean to offend you, OK." He handed a glass with clear liquid and ice to Mello, "You just looked nostalgic is all…I just figured – "

"Well, you figured wrong." Mello interrupted with surprising calmness.

Matt raised his eyebrows, "Oh?"

This time it was Mello's turn to smirk.

"Why so glum? It almost looks as if you're disappointed, _Matt_."

Yes, two could play at that game.

Matt chuckled.

"OK, OK, I get it." And that was that.

Mello had asserted his need for privacy and he hoped this would get Red to back off. He didn't need scum stalking him. He'd had enough of _that_ type already and it never ended well for them. After all, he was Mello.

"So," Matt started as he took a sip form his own drink, "how long have you been living here?"

Mello shot him a glare before replying, "That's none of your business."

Matt nodded, serious.

"OK."

There was an uncomfortable silence after that. Perhaps he shouldn't have reacted so defensively. After all, it wasn't like it was something personal he'd been pondering as Matt had emerged with his drink. He'd just let his guard down on his emotions, something he'd been told not to do and which he knew he was prone to do.

"So," Mello started, at which Matt looked up, "what brings you down here?"

Matt's puppy smile was back full-force.

Oh God, how Mello wished he didn't have a conscience. Fuck this guy could talk!

Mello blinked as he tried to digest everything Matt was telling him.

"…we considered the pros and cons of France, but there just wasn't a chance we could live there…" he gesticulated wildly, too into the story for his own good, "I mean, we're used to bigots you know, but having them around ALL THE TIME just wasn't going to work…" and on he went.

Mello was seriously getting tired. He spared a glance at the sea and noticed the sun was setting. Already? Fuck. If he wanted to make a get away, now would be the time to do it.

"Matt." He interrupted.

Said man blinked, a bit confused as to what was wrong. Clearly he hadn't noticed just how BORING his monologue was.

"It's getting late." Mello pointed at the sunset.

Matt jerked, "Oh! OK, sure." He seemed disappointed, but Mello had used up all his conscience earlier and he wasn't going to stay to hear Matt drone on and on about things and events Mello could just care less about.

Matt stood up, getting ready to lead Mello out.

Mello smiled. Finally. At least the guy could get a hint.

He led Mello to the front gate, where he had come in. He had insisted on leading Mello there, not trusting that the blonde could handle to cross the stone path to his own house. Mello snorted.

"Well, I hope you come visit us again." He smiled.

Mello furrowed his eyebrows. Yeah. He had indeed mentioned that before. 'We'. Apparently there was more than Matt just loving in this house. He had hoped he would meet the mysterious family to the pervert, but apparently he wouldn't get the chance…unless he visited again. He braced himself for the next question.

"We? What you got a dead body I should know about?"

Matt chuckled.

"No, nothing strange like that." He answered humbly.

Mello sighed. Whatever. He was the one who had asked him to come back later, not Mello. It was his own loss if he chose to be elusive.

"Hn." Mello scoffed before turning around and…bumping straight into something REALLY FUCKING hard.

"Ow!" the man yelped. "That hurt!"

Mello looked up into goggle-covered eyes. His eyes went wide and he took a step back on reflex.

The Matt lookalike brushed off his clothing as if he'd just been littered with dust.

Mello looked on in amazement. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. There was NO WAY he was this unlucky.

He felt lips on his neck as Matt whispered smugly in his ear, "Mello, meet Mail."

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><p>I know, how cliche right -_- but jeez, what the hell SHOULD I have called his twin? Heh, anyway, Mail and Matt's opinion of the French is in no way my personal opinion.<p>

Review please. They do make me write much, much faster :) Well, I can always hope -_-


	3. Chapter 3

This is ridiculously late and I'm sorry. I've been busy as fuck. Broke up with my abusive boyfriend, had an OK birthday considering, started my courses again, almost died 5 times, and…seriously been having severe writer's block on ALL my stories. Enjoy –smiles-

_Premise: Matt has an identical twin. They're after Mello, but who is who? Which one flirted shamelessly with him? Who is the evil twin? God help him because he just can't tell them apart._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note._

* * *

><p><strong>Two of a Kind <strong>

**Chapter 3**

He felt lips on his neck as Matt whispered smugly in his ear, "Mello, meet Mail."

Mello stiffened. What the hell was he doing? This was indeed the pervert from before…or…was the newcomer the pervert?

The newcomer looked up upon Matt's words and grinned a Cheshire smile when he saw Mello.

"Mello, it's nice to meet you. I'm Mail." And with that, he reached out his hand, which Mello shook shakily.

This was…uncanny…

When introductions were all said and done Mello looked in front of him at Mail and then craned his neck behind him to catch a glance at Matt.

They were in different attire, but it appeared they both had a penchant for those hideous goggles. He snorted. Yeah, typical. The only accessory or clothing in general he had a problem with, was the one they chose to adore.

"So," Mail leaned back on his heels, "you're the neighbor, huh?"

"You think I'd be here if I wasn't?" Mello retorted.

Mail pouted, "Feisty. But I didn't mean it like that." He smiled. "You're welcome anytime, babe."

And just like that they were gone. Mello hadn't even had time to voice his horror at the pet name. No one called him 'babe', no one! Not even a potential boyfriend, or…and why the fuck was he thinking like that?

This seemed to be a recurring thing. He stayed in the same spot for an additional two minutes before he returned to his house.

* * *

><p>Mello was still pissed as it came time to go to bed. What the hell was wrong with those two? Of course, he'd never suspected that Matt had a twin, but why should he?<p>

He had been seething over this for hours now. He had left Matt's house at roughly 6.30 and it was now 2 am. It wasn't early, but it wasn't late either. He could stay awake a bit and perhaps unload some of his anger on his unsuspecting 'friend'.

He switched on his laptop. MacBook; just how he liked it. Fuck PC, seriously. He typed in his password and waited for the screen to load.

He clicked on the small window at the top right of his screen and stared. The little bastard had left him a message. AGAIN.

**FreekieSheep101:** I am waiting for a response.

**FreekieSheep101:** Are you there?

**FreekieSheep101:** Your silence concerns me.

Mello sighed. He started typing.

**LeatherGOD:** Fuck you.

Mello leaned back on his pillow, having positioned himself in his bed, the only comfortable place in his room, and waited for the inevitable.

**FreekieSheep101:**Mello.

**LeatherGOD:**Sheep.

**FreekieSheep101:**Do you like my username?

**LeatherGOD:**No.

**FreekieSheep101:**Oh.

**FreekieSheep101:**I thought you might say that, however.

**LeatherGOD:**?

**FreekieSheep101:**How was your day?

**LeatherGOD:**New neighbors.

**FreekieSheep101:**Oh?

**LeatherGOD:**Real pain in the ass.

**FreekieSheep101:**How so?

**LeatherGOD:**They're perverts…and they're twins.

**FreekieSheep101:**And that is problematic.

**LeatherGOD:**Yes!

**FreekieSheep101:**I see. I gather they attempted to get 'friendly'?

**LeatherGOD:**Near!

**FreekieSheep101:**No?

**LeatherGOD:**No!

**LeatherGOD:**They're just perverts.

**FreekieSheep101:**They've harassed you.

**LeatherGOD:**Yes. In more ways than one.

**FreekieSheep101:**And you disliked it.

**LeatherGOD:**You think I like being molested?

**FreekieSheep101:**Were you molested?

**LeatherGOD:**Not really.

Thinking about it like that, Mello realized that he hadn't actually been molested, as he had put it. He had indeed been sexually harassed…right? There was the blatant flirting and inappropriate comments in the store by the redhead, the obvious innuendos, and that departing whisper Matt had left on his neck. Mello shuddered. Yes, they had most definitely sexually harassed him.

**FreekieSheep101:**Mello?

**FreekieSheep101:**Are you there?

**LeatherGOD:**Yeah.

**FreekieSheep101:**What are you doing?

**LeatherGOD:**Masturbating.

**FreekieSheep101:**Oh.

**FreekieSheep101:**To what?

**LeatherGOD:**Near!

**FreekieSheep101:** Mello is sensitive.

That's what the redhead had said too. And Mello had gotten defensive. He furrowed his eyebrows and tried to think. He was a genius after all, of course he could figure this out. Especially without the help of the sheep.

**FreekieSheep101:**Mello?

**LeatherGOD:**What?

**FreekieSheep101:**Whom are you thinking about?

**LeatherGOD:**?

**FreekieSheep101:**Whom are you fantasizing about?

**LeatherGOD:**That's none of your business.

**FreekieSheep101:**You won't tell me.

**LeatherGOD:**No.

**LeatherGOD:**Near?

**FreekieSheep101:**Yes?

**LeatherGOD:**I'm not masturbating.

**FreekieSheep101:** I know.

Mello grimaced. Near. Smug asshole.

**FreekieSheep101:**Well…if that is all.

**LeatherGOD:**Huh?

**FreekieSheep101:**I have another client.

**LeatherGOD:**You're always online.

**FreekieSheep101:**Of course.

**FreekieSheep101:**If that is all…

**LeatherGOD:**Wait.

**LeatherGOD:**I'm sensitive?

**FreekieSheep101:**Yes.

**LeatherGOD:**What do you mean?

**FreekieSheep101:**Did something happen?

**LeatherGOD:**Answer the question!

**FreekieSheep101:**Mello has a tendency to get over emotional.

**LeatherGOD:**Emotional?

**FreekieSheep101:** Sensitive.

Whatever.

**FreekieSheep101:**Mello?

**LeatherGOD:** Whatever. Go back to your client.

* * *

><p>He felt depressed. Talking to Near had a way of doing that to him, regardless of what mood he was in beforehand. He supposed the logical and healthy thing would be to ignore Near and not engage in those pointless conversations or 'chats', but really, why not? It wasn't like he had anyone else to talk to. Much less complain to, and Near just received his insults so well…<p>

That didn't mean the messages weren't useless, because they were. He couldn't remember when he'd ever benefited from the freak's advice, but…whatever. He was tired. It was time to sleep.

* * *

><p>He had decided to spend the day cooped up in his room. No amount of nagging from Near, or his cat, or…even the PERSISTENT doorbell would change that fact. That was why he didn't even go to see who was ringing the damn thing so insistently at 8 in the morning; a time that was inhumane for Mello. He had his suspicions though.<p>

He finally ventured out of his room and into the spacious bathroom, one of Mello's favorite rooms for various reasons. First of all, the ceiling was amazing and never ceased to stun Mello. It would never cease to amaze him what remarkable taste he had.

It had miniscule lights spaced out to create a faux star cluttered sky when dimmed, the room also had a fucking Jacuzzi, it had not one, but two sinks, and an awfully wide mirror. Wide enough for Mello to realize there was currently a spider in his hair.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!' he yelled at an impossibly high octave.

He had hardly woken up and already the gods were against him. He knew he shouldn't have gotten rid of that rosary, but this was ridiculous.

If there was one thing Mello hated, and one thing he was terrified of, it was spiders. No matter how small, how harmless, how insignificant, Mello hated spiders with the same passion he loved chocolate.

He flailed about, swinging his hands around as if trying to slap away the creature. He seemed satisfied after a while and finally peered into the mirror to decipher if the situation was finally under control.

The spider was nowhere in sight, and apparently gone, unless it had somehow snuck further down into Mello's hair, hiding like a louse, close to the scalp at the nape of the neck.

Mello wasted no time in brushing furiously with his crystal-encrusted brush he had gotten as a present when he turned 18. He would be damned if he let the spider get the final say.

When he had finished almost ripping his hair out with the help of the sturdy brush, he proceeded to slap furiously at his nape, absolutely positive that the spider was hiding out there and possibly even taking the time to weave its egg into Mello's strands.

When the situation was FINALLY deemed safe, Mello took a look in the mirror.

He looked terrible. His face was red from the exertion of killing the spider, which he had yet to find, and his hair was tousled from both sleep and the maltreatment Mello had forced upon it. He was clad in an oversized black t-shirt, the arms falling down to his forearms due to extreme size difference between Mello's size and the shirt's. He thought he looked fucking hot and…GOD DAMMIT!

If they didn't stop ringing that doorbell he was going to bring out his gun and shoot them so far up their ass that they would have WISHED Mello had fucked them. Yeah, that much, because they would never fucking walk again.

Mello strode purposefully to the door as the ringing continued incessantly like the annoying buzz of a mosquito that just would NOT go away. He slammed the door open loudly and walked up with his most intimidating aura to the front gate.

He was panting heavily from anger when he saw the blob of red.

"WHAT?" he bellowed.

Matt, or Mail, whoever had decided to grace him with their presence on just this occasion, took an unconscious step back. The redhead put his hands out in defense, ready to just saunter out of there as fast as he could before Mello had time to destroy his front gate to get to the nuisance.

The redhead was relieved when Mello just stood there glaring.

"WHAT?" he repeated.

He was not in the mood for one of the twins' apparent games, although he didn't really know if they were into that kind of thing.

"Umm…" The redhead seemed to stutter, too afraid to seemingly say what he'd come to say.

"What do you want?" Mello demanded, not having calmed down one bit.

He was in no mood for this. The doorbell had woken him from a quite nice and peaceful sleep, very different from the emotion he was experiencing now, and here, here stood the idiot responsible for his current mood, and he apparently had no purpose to this visit other than to annoy Mello.

He aimed icy daggers at the visitor and when said man made no move to either leave or speak up, Mello turned and left the man standing there.

He was still shaking with rage as he slammed the door shut behind him.

How dare he? How dare that fucker do this to him! He had had such a wonderful dream too. Chocolate, all nice and lovely milk chocolate, drowning pathetic robots in sweet, sweet, sticky chocolate, and finally…that's when he'd woken up. Just when he was reaching the apex of the wonders of chocolate kicking toys' ass, he had been brutally awakened by that terror of a doorbell. He didn't really understand it himself why he hadn't taken it down yet. Sentimental value, perhaps.

It didn't matter. All that mattered was that the neighbor was an asshole of epic proportions.

Mello exhaled roughly as he tried to get in control of his emotions. It was a technique Near had taught him and it proved very successful, that is…until the fucker decided to annoy him again.

The doorbell rang furiously, not hesitating in the least after Mello's minor outburst just a moment earlier.

He clenched his fists, nails digging harshly into his palms as he tried to find an answer to his problems. Was the death glare not enough anymore? It clearly hadn't worked with the Pervert in the store…was it not adequate enough? Or were these fuckers just immune…or…the Pervert! This had to be the Pervert! One of the brothers had to be the guy Mello had been yearning to shut up with his many creative measures, but…he had had no idea if it was Mail or Matt…

The pervert at the door had to be THE Pervert!

He smirked as he venomously opened his front door, taking very long, and very slow strides back to the front gate.

He smiled smugly and calculatingly at the visitor.

"Can I help you?" he seemed to hiss, observing any movement or emotion crossing the redhead's features.

The redhead smiled. Then he opened his big mouth.

"Hamburgers."

Mello quirked an eyebrow in silent question.

"Or does that pretty mouth only take chocolate?"

The smirk was maddening.

Good thing he had his gun.

* * *

><p>Oh my God, this is soooooo bad XD Um I really don't like it but I failed at editing it so there you go. Um progress is slow but it's getting there –smiles-<p>

Review?


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